Rooh-Afza

It’s 1:52 AM and I can’t sleep. I have been running away from writing this one probably because I dont want to accept it. Please give it a read and leave a comment if you wish to.

As a kid, I always was afraid of dogs. It was a weird relationship I would say. I loved them but from a distance. I never could break that ice with them. I couldn’t touch them. I got afraid when they barked at me. I used to change my way and took a different route if I encountered a dog somewhere alone. My best friend has always made so much fun of me for this. Because it’s weird right! Who can be fearful of the most friendly and loyal being in the world!

One day I saw a pup injured outside my building on road. Some vehicle had ran over it. I gave him some milk but I noticed he was unable to move. Long story short, after a lot of hassle I took him to the Vet. The vet checked him and said that he had internal injuries and that he won’t survive because he had got exposed to cold for the last 2-3 winter nights. Do not ask me from where did I get so much of guts to take him to the hospital. Because I don’t know myself somehow. All I knew in that moment was that I had to save him.

The doctor told that his condition was critical. That chances of his survival were very less. And asked me to bring him for the next 3 days for 3 injections, if at all he managed to survive. He also explicitly asked to protect him from cold. I did not think twice and brought him to my room. Made a little space for him, arranged a room heater near him and put some warm clothes to cover him. I fed him every three hours and gave him warm compresses with the help of a hot water bag. Next day I drove him to the Vet putting him at the front side of the leg space in my scooty. I was getting goose bumps when on the way he was licking my feet. The doctor said the next day that he looked better.

I asked him, “Sir ye Bach jaega na.” To which he replied, “Bach gya!”

Next day I gave him a hot water bath inside my washroom, with the help of a friend. I kept taking him to the Vet, as asked by him and he was given injections of antibiotics and painkillers. During the day time, when I went to office, I used to give his food to my neighbour and asked her to give him milk every 3 hours. But everyday I used to feel guilty for coming to office leaving him. When in evenings I used to go for playing badminton, I used to only bolt my door without a lock and used to call my neighbour every half an hour insisting her to have a check on him.

One of my friends who really helped me out in nurturing the pup because he owns two and has much better experience with dogs than somebody as naive as me, asked me, “Have you named him?” I said, “I call him Cutie.” Later that day, I named him ‘Rooh-Afza’. Little did I know it was such an apt name for him because he was healing my soul in a way I didn’t even realise. Every night I used to show him funny videos of dogs so that he didn’t feel alone. I talked, patted and tucked him to sleep. Every morning at 4, he used to cry for food and I used to feed him in half sleeping state.

After 5 days of nurturing him, he became super active. Now was the decision to own him or leave him. I decided to let him go for every night I heard his mother crying for him and it broke my heart. I went downstairs and with the help of a friend created a little space for him so that it can sleep under a shade in the winter nights. I also put his meds and bowl and stuck a note saying if you are here to feed the dog please put these vitamin supplements in the food. As soon as he was left downstairs, he started jumping out of happiness. I realised I did not stay at room through out the day when I was in office and till the time he was weak and couldn’t move it was probably okay. But leaving an active playful dog inside a closed room through out the day could be very depressing for him. With a heavy heart I let him go.

After 3 days, I had to leave for home for Diwali vacations. I was leaving at 4 in the morning. When I stepped down to get into the car, he came to me and started licking my leg. And I said, “Rooh-afza, I will come back.” I knew that he could recognise me. I felt he loved me. I looked at his face. It looked so adorable that i felt like taking him with me to Samastipur. But I let him go and left for home.

After 15 days, I came back from home. My eyes kept looking for him. Every evening when I came back from office, I used to search for him. But I never found him anywhere. I thought may be he had grown bigger and shifted with his family. One evening, I was coming back from office when I saw my neighbour outside my building. I stopped by to talk to her. She suddenly said, “Aapka puppy marr gya.”

I couldn’t even say, “what!” My mouth wide-open eyes full of shock, I kept looking at her and the only thing I said, “nahi nahi aapne theek se Nhi dekha hoga.” She said she saw vividly it was him. He died on the day of Bhai-Dooj. He was lying there dead on the same road outside the building.

Those flight of stairs up to 3rd floor from the road to my room were the most difficult steps I have ever taken. I kept crying. And crying out loud. I just couldn’t stop. I tried to talk to somebody. Any body. But couldn’t connect. I felt restless. I felt something somewhere had been hit so hard inside me that i could not tell where exactly it was paining. After crying alone for 15-20 minutes I ended up calling my father. My parents talked me through. That night Dady called me thrice. He ensured he would read The Geeta for Rooh-afza’s soul to rest in peace. Even now when I am writing this, I can’t explain how bad it hurts. I can’t express how it feels.

Even now when I come back from office, my eyes still search for him. I keep getting reminded of those little lovely eyes that I saw last that morning. I keep thinking I wish I could have taken him home with me. Probably that’s what he was asking me. I suddenly feel I do not have anybody any reason to look forward to when I come back home. Rooh-afza left a void in my life. He taught me love and then left me alone. I don’t think one can ever encounter love as pure as the one given by these little creatures who demand nothing except cuddles. Yesterday when I was coming back from office I saw 3-4 pups wandering who were of same size as Rooh-Afza. I stopped and my heart was hoping to find him. In that moment I realised how desperately I still wanted him to be with me. What do I do to bring him back? Why can’t I bring him back? In those 5 days of life with him, Rooh-afza unknowingly taught me so much. I thought I was saving him but in reality he saved me. He restored my faith in love. He gave me an experience of lifetime. He reminded me how proud I have always been of being a Doctor. Saving life will always be above any other inherent fear in my life. He made me realise that I was capable of loving. He made me realise that I can also handle responsibilities. He made me dive deeper into my sense of empathy for street dogs. Why no one wants to adopt them. There are so many stray dogs abandoned out there with no body to look after them in these cold winter nights. Do they not deserve love?

I don’t know why did all of it happen which happened. But I do know that Rooh-afza has left an imprint of his love on my heart. I hope he is in calm and comfort wherever he is. I love you little being and I wish I could have atleast said a proper good bye to you.

I am sorry I couldn’t save you. And thank you for saving me!

Until next time!